Frequent Flyer ... Horse Construction

While I was writing Frequent Flyer, I decided that I again had to write about what I knew. I'm certainly no expert on horses (that's my wife and daughter) and I have lots to learn, but I know what I see anyway... I think ... if that makes any sense.  So when I created "Flyer", the title character, he had the traits, demeanor and history of 6 horses.

Flyer has the color, mammoth size and funny playfulness of Monty our bread eating Hanoverian from Germany. I can't see over his back when I stand next to him.  I'm 6'2"... or I was before I starting shrinking... I'm probably closer to 4'9" now.



He has Bobbie's lips, as nimble as fingers, the ability to pull a cart like Bobbie and the condition in which we first saw him.  When we first met Bobbie, he looked like a giant ball of burdock.  I honestly wasn't sure what my wife saw in him, he was covered in burdocks and dust.  He oddly has the cleanest most organized stall in the barn now.


He has the unique facial markings of Evelyn ... that almost look like the swords you see in old pirate movies.   She's a beauty and don't you dare tell her otherwise.



For the most part, he has the relatively calm demeanor of Shane and Zeus (Couldn't find a photo of Zeus who passed away on Thanksgiving morning a couple of years ago).  Neither horse would spook during a fireworks show, at a shooting range, during a thunder storm... yup ... atom bomb proof.

And, Flyer was a former race horse like Dion.  Dion is 23 ish now (my wife will correct me if I'm wrong) and he still thinks he could beat Seabiscutt with 1 leg tied behind his back, on a full stomach.  Given Seabiscutt's current condition ... I think it's a safe bet.

I picked the best qualities from each horse to construct Flyer.  Flyer's bad qualities...those all came from me!

The Frozen Double Dog Dare

It was negative eight degrees below zero yesterday morning before windchill and the horse's water buckets were frozen solid. While it wasn't quite as cold the day before ... it was cold enough to catch Bobbie off guard.

Anybody whose grown up in cold climates has done what he did. It's a rite of passage of sorts for those who were plucked from the womb with ice tongs. You only know what I speak of if you were toddlers with frozen mittens, icy scarves and feet so cold they felt like walking on pin cushions.

We recently heard on the morning news of unfortunate waif who had to have emergency services release him from his big brother's similar double dog dare.

For those who view snow to be as mythical as leprechauns, you may want to put some more sun screen on and roll over so you don't get sun burned on this January day... for what I'm about to tell you will make your jelly fish sting burn a little less. Here goes...

If one sticks ones tongue to any metal object (flag pole, chain link fence, car door or your coats zipper), ones tongue will stick to and occasionally be trapped by said object until it is released by warmth (hot water and global warming typically work best).

Until the other day, I thought humans were the only ones who were bold enough to attempt the double dog dare. However, with the frigid temperature, Bobbie thought he'd try licking the frozen metal snap of the chain that holds his pasture gate shut. He, as we all are, was complete caught of guard by the fact that the tongue is 80% water. Who knew?

In order to free himself ... he almost pulled the gate off the post with his super equine tongue. Of course he has little hope to out do those that tow tractor trailers with their tongues in the Guinness Book of World Records (although he's in training now).

I think it hurt the poor pony a lot as he was smacking his freeze dried taste buds for a good five minutes or so. All I could say to my four-legged friend was, "Been there, done that."

We Live in a Giant Snow Ball

Just off the east end of Lake Ontario, Syracuse New York (the area we live and survive in) annually averages 121 inches of snow. The last few sadistic winters have been closer to 150 or 200.

The recent snows you may have heard about on the national news (we don't brag about much but snow) helped push us to almost 50 inches through December 10th of this year.

My son had 2 snow days off from school and the horses stayed warm inside their cozy stalls for 3 straight days. This of course make stall cleaning more challenging ... but at least we don't have to worry about our wimpy thoroughbreds freaking out because a couple of flakes hit their muzzles just wrong or the wind messed their manes up. A bunch of divas those thoroughbreds are ... always asking for limos, fruit trays and bottled imported room temperature water.

When it starts snowing and blowing, we can't get to our pastures the normal and easy way because we have an eight foot snow drift that drops right in the middle of the desired path. So, when the snow is not blowing sideways, for winter turnout we have to walk the long way around and normally take down some rails to get the horses in. Yesterday, I built a gate to eliminate the rail removal portion of the process. I talk more about our winter snow struggles in my February 2010 post "Equine Snow Angel":

http://bobbienosocks.blogspot.com/2010/02/equine-snow-angel.html

When I went into our shed to get some gate materials, I scared the walnuts out of a squirrel who in turn scared the crap out of me. Apparently, he'd be nesting in the shed for the winter ... the whole thing led me to have an odd dream last night about a talking squirrel, with a trash mouth and anger issues.

Anyway ... we thankfully have a little warm up today. The saying in Syracuse is ... If you don't like the weather ... just wait a couple of hours. There's a big ice storm coming.

Amusing Horse Quotes

Never send a man to do a horse's job.

- Mr. Ed


“They think they can make fuel from horse manure - Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning”

- Billie Holiday


It's a lot like nuts and bolts - if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts!

~Nicholas Evans


If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.

-Mark Twain


The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

- Henny Youngman


Horses are uncomfortable in the middle and dangerous at both ends.

- Attributed to both Christopher Stone and Ian Fleming


One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

- Jeffrey Bernard


I can make a General in five minutes but a good horse is hard to replace.

- Abraham Lincoln


No matter what you weigh, the little fellow is your equal on a horse.

- Will Rogers